I have always liked mathematics as a subject. Of Course I never scored more than the passing marks (that too rarely) but funnily enough I liked the subject. I enjoyed it when I understood something in maths class. And if you actually understand something, the joy and urge to solve all the questions of that topic, is something that can’t be molded into words.
The whole deal is,”it was my first relationship.” Or more likely my first crush which was out of league. I must have been in fourth standard when decimals were introduced and I immediately took a fascination for them. In fifth came long division method. And geometry and pythagoras followed in middle school. Followed by trigonometry, statistics, probability along with others in 10th boards. That was the time I was rather forced to sit with my books. And eventually I discovered I enjoyed maths a great deal. The results were not even close to being good but it gave me a strong calling that I can do better with more practice.
This prompted the little budding Aryabhatta (don’t hang me for this) in me to take up the subject for my 12th boards. And that my friend was the end of all the love I had for maths. I still felt strongly for the subject but in a negative way. This was due a simple reason of not trying to understand the concepts and everything that was just newly introduced. And later on trying to do all of it in one go. The subject did not agree on this terms of the easy come and easy go association. And eventually we fell apart. This love gone sour scenario made me a wreck mentally and it was completely visible on my performance in other subjects as well. I just stopped looking at books altogether. I was never a brilliant student but I was always up for challenges and I was highly energetic, but here I had given up. Too hopeless to even try coping up in any field. I somehow in the last few days tried to do as much as I could. By the time I finished my boards in march 2012. I was sure of two things. One I was going to repeat a school year. Second I was never ever touching the subject maths again.
After the results to my surprise I passed. Still one bad decision and lot of negligence on my part made me score lower than ever, in my boards. Then again I was astonished that just 20 hours (yes two days gap we had and I studied for more or less in those two days counting my sleep and food time) of preparation sailed my boat. What would have been possible if I had given just 80 or more hours. I am talking hours here.
Anyways couldn’t touch the first division. And mind you I was a commerce student with enough english skills. I could have done far better even with maths if only I had tried. My teachers did their best to explain this to me before the exams. My parents and friends motivated me but I had given up. I would like to thank everyone who stayed with me at that time. My parents, sister, friends and yes the teachers. They never gave up on me. I did the impossible (it seemed so back then) because of them. And I am writing as if I won the pulitzer but anyone who has been real low in life due to some reason or the other will understand how hard it is to cope up.
I some how managed to get into a good local college and later took up arts. These three years molded my ideologies, thoughts and actions up to great deals. But the maths affair taught me some very important lessons.
-Firstly never give up no matter how bad it seems, it may feel impossible but it isn’t.
-Secondly make the right choices by taking opinions, analysing and researching.
-Thirdly don’t waste your time and energy in brooding and complaining, rather get up and get on with it.
-Fourthly everything is connected, you reap what you sow.
-Fifthly utilise the facilities and opportunities you have, you are more lucky than many others.
-Sixthly everything happens for a reason, good or bad just keep sailing. Learn from it.
-Seventhly be grateful to all the people in your life who believe in you and support you. Bonding and connecting makes us humans.
Today when I think of it, I feel I have some unfinished business with calculus. Yes I have discovered that I still like the subject very much and it interests me. I am looking for a teacher, someone to guide and make me reclaim my love for the subject. After all you dislike or fear what you don’t understand!